I have learned not to let what others say get to me but at this point in my life all I can do is laugh. I can’t stand it when people lie to me, and I really can’t take it when people lie to themselves. It matters not to me because I know what it really is but at the same time I have wonder. What kind of fantasy land do you live in? Hey I would like to drift off there from time to time. Lol I just sit back and watch it all unfold. I am me and nobody can be me. I am not intimidated or hurt by mind games. Don’t play them and have no time for them. I know where I stand. I will continue to live my life as I should and as people come and go, and seasons change I will still be beans. I love everybody, and I do mean everybody, even those that choose not to like me. I am out be blessed!!!
I am still standing July 22, 2009
Last night I had a meeting of the minds, both of mine. Lol No, seriously. I learned a lot about myself, a lot about my strengths and a lot about my weakness. A lot about how I had to actually use my faith. People that know me know I am a go getter; I am about reaching to the top. I am about getting what I want when I want it. Since God doesn’t work on beans time at times it is hard for me to adjust. I am so focused on doing what I need to do for him and being a mom the rest of the things I want will have to take a back seat until I get these right. I found out that my intentions of assertiveness have come off as aggressiveness and I don’t like that. I do from time to time make people an offer they can’t refuse. Lol. No but seriously, I guess in certain situations with different individuals, I want my way, OK I am spoiled. To a certain extent. I never realized that if I don’t get my way I turn into a manipulator in order for things to be my way. I guess I am kinda guilty of that too. Often times you don’t realize that until somebody points it out to you and somebody was brave enough too and I must say I do appreciate it. Find the problem and rectify it. I can do that. I don’t want to be seen by others as a pushy person. I don’t want people to think man this chick is crazy because I am not. I care about those that I care about because I do love them and loving people means you need to give them enough space to flourish into what they need to be not what you think they should be. So I continue to pray for all those around me, especially people that don’t like and I just also realized that I got a new set of people. People that claim to like but really don’t, that don’t believe in my transformation. I pray for them the hardest. I think a lot of people believe that the things I do and the changes I made were for Baby, he is gone and guess what, I am still blessing the Lord, so now what? Just a thought. It’s cool, I love them too. I have been through too much to let what people say hurt me. Life is precious and tomorrow is not promised. I don’t talk about people. I used to, I used to be a real live Rona Barret (not really sure who she is but my mom used to call me that) But I mean I knew everybody’s business and could run it down to any one that wanted to hear it. I use to gossip, nope not no more. I am cool on that. I sit sometimes and I laugh because I can be on the phone or with a person and somebody will say something about somebody and I would add my two cents in, now I just go silent. It will be nothing for me to end a conversation about somebody’s business. Don’t have time. I know people had a great time running my name through the mud when things went down. I can hear them laughing now “Did you hear about your girl”, “That’s what she get”, “She think she all that”, and my favorite and I will put money on this one “What she gon do now, watch your man because you know how she is”. I can laugh because I refuse to cry. Is this what people think of me? Then I think this. What they think means nothing. What other grown women sit up and say about me don’t matter to me because I don’t answer to them. Was I wrong in the past? Yes. Did I get myself together? Yes. I know what I want and I know what God has promised me. I know what he said to me so I will continue to diligently seek him and use his teachings to help others so that he will see my works and reward me as promised. I will pray for my haters and bless my back biters. I am so under construction. God has been blessing me in areas that I never thought. He has been breathing new life into so many things that come my way. The best for me is yet to come. My family will be blessed and my household will be too. I am out, be blessed.
beans3bk
