Nightly Reflection July 21, 2009

You know, I was trying to think about what I was going to talk about today. I am always running and doing and going. So much so that I very rarely stop and think. Well last night after the hustle and bustle of my day. I laid there and thought.  No TV, no computer, no lights no music. Just me and beans, yes we are two people. Lol . But as I thought I began to reflect. Reflection can be a trip. I went back to my original college days before all the kids and jobs and responsibilities. I went back to my days of innocence I guess before I actually bit the apple. As I thought I went over a lot of decision and situations. I thought of the roads I took and the ones I decided to pass up. I thought of all the number of people I met, friends I made and lost. I thought of all the joy and pain. I thought of people that were close to me that were no longer here. I thought of all the opportunities that I had and all the dreams deferred. Wow. Then I began to look at the present. Where I am at this very moment. How some would love to be in my shoes. How healthy and wonderful my children are. What a blessing they are to me. How God decided to keep me in spite of me. How I had learned that I am more important than what others think about me. How I don’t have to do things to compromise myself to get and keep a man (well just keeping in real). Why I realized that I deserve the person God made for me and not to settle for the person I decided to pick out for myself. I then drifted to the future and thought, the past was just that, the past. The present has matured me and the future will allow me to realize God for who he truly is and worship him with a clean heart. I can sit here and firmly say that I have no anger or malice for anyone. I don’t have time for that. If people want to say or do whatever about me and to me that’s ok. If they talked about Jesus what in the world would make me think I was exempt. I am leaning and depending on God for all the strength and courage to finish this race. I know for a fact that some people don’t care for me and I am praying that God remove that spirit from them. I have no enemies. I made amends with Baby and I am praying for him also. I think people don’t realize that if you love God like you claim to then all the judgmental evilness and back biting goes out the door. I am praying for people that despise me today. I see it like this. They weren’t there through my life. No one knows the true struggle of me. Not a person on this planet knows what I had to go through to get here. There was a time when it would be nothing for me to act a fool and tear up some stuff. You talking about curse somebody out, no more. I won’t curse you I will bless you because if you are messing with me and I belong to him you are already in trouble. Vengeance is his, not mine. I believe in due season he will make it well with me and sit me in a place where I don’t have to just speak on his goodness. I am so ready to maneuver things to be able to help others. I was put here for service. Don’t get me wrong, things are nice and I like them but they don’t mean a thing if I have an abundance and my sister has nothing and I  walk over her. I want others to be able to prosper from what I have done with the help of God. I don’t know I have big dreams but I am working on bringing them forth now so my generations to come can prosper. I am out be blessed