Today is a new day; I am so blessed to be alive. Each day as I grow stronger I realize so much about me and value myself more. I had to realize that being by myself is ok. I had to conclude that an ordinary love just is not what I need. I am such a great treasure to the right person. I tried so many times to be the right person for so many people and that didn’t work. I am embracing motherhood and all it has to offer. I am seriously walking by faith. Faith is something that if you haven’t had to use it, when you do you see just how good God is. I made it to Sunday School this week. Late but I made it. I will come back to that.
Friday the kids had a parade. They did pretty good, I had to walk so my thighs were on tilt the next day but that is because I am not use to walking for miles. Plus I need some walking shoes. Coach sneakers are cute, not comfortable for miles but nevertheless, I made it. I had a good time talking to my kids and some of the other parents. It amazes me how God sends his word to you through others. I was talking to this lady now I have known her for years but we have never had a conversation like the one we had Friday. She started off about telling me about her new love and how she is so happy to have him and what a blessing he is in her life. She went on to say she had dated so many different men for so many years. Some on again and off again, but she has finally found her soul mate. She is 42. She has no children. She said he lives miles away but He is going to move here to be with her. Now mind you she knows nothing about what is going on with me in my recent battles with love. She went on to say I really know what love feels like after all those years of lies and lust. I was in love with a guy and he broke my heart and I decided to just give up on love and just when I thought it was time to throw in the towel. There he was. At first I am like why is this woman telling me all her business but I am like she is here to encourage me. I haven’t thrown in the towel, I decided to switch my focus but she knows none of this. So I listen and I am like I am glad to hear that. Go head girl, but in the back of my mind I am like she told me that because I needed to hear it. I believe in my heart that the Lord wanted me to know to keep pressing and serving and eventually I will get the love I need and deserve.
Ok, Saturday, I was tired so I just slept after the competition, I slept for 12 hours, and I haven’t done that in years. It felt great.
Fast forward to Sunday, I was getting ready for church, and would you believe that my song came on, “I’ll Make It” Hezekiah Walker. I haven’t heard this song in months but this was one of the original posts I wrote. I had a different set of issues then. It was more financial, than anything, so I really couldn’t get past the first verse. I still have financial issues from time to time but I don’t worry about them because I know the Lord will provide. I haven’t received any financial help from my children’s father in over six years, not a dime, but I am past that because God has taken them on and they need or want for nothing. They are able to do all the activities that they want and still there is always something in the meal barrel every morning. I at times feel like the woman in 1 Kings 17. She did what the Lord had her to do and she was able to provide food for her family. This time it was the second verse, I was lost without a friend, then I met Jesus and he took me in. It amazes me how you can be in a room full of people and be lonely. I lost my best friend in all of this. But I had to learn that people don’t make me and I shouldn’t focus on them. We had our asst pastor speak Sunday and she brought it home, but what she said was and I heard it a million times. “What God has for me, it is for me”. So I will not fret nor worry because what he has set aside and put away just for your girl beans will be exactly it for her. Regardless of who claims they are meant for me or who I think should be for me. What God has for me will be for me and I know it. I have tried to discern a lot because I come in contact with a lot of people but I am a good judge in character. Everyone that claims to be an upstanding God fearing individual may not be and you don’t have to say anything, it will be evident. So I sit back, I watch and I wait. In due time, God will unveil his wonderful plan for my life. Sorry for the overload, I could really go on but I won’t right now, I am out be blessed!!!
beans3bk
