| Wow, Tyler Perry needs a check from me. I swear I finally took the movie out of my DVD. After my seventh time watching it. Forgave him, Forgave myself and now I can move forward. I really had to do some thinking and soul searching these last few days. I needed to remove all of the anger so I could be free. When you are mad at people for things they control your life. Now when I say move on I don’t mean get in a new relationship but in order for me to function in the capacity that I am supposed to I must realize the situation and rectify it. I told him that I forgave him and I apologized for all I done because I was wrong at times to. The beauty of it all is that day by day, I get stronger and I get better and I am the woman and the mother that I am supposed to be because I don’t have so much energy being upset with him. I can’t stand the victim mentality. I believe that everything you do and you get is because of something that you’ve done. I have done a lot. Do I think I will walk around the rest of my life holding on to men that really don’t want me? Lol No, that is so not what I am on. I can easily be in a relationship. It is really just a matter of making a call and I am back in the saddle. I can continue my life and be happy because I know that someone loves me. I won’t do that. I refuse to open anymore doors until I have completely closed all the ones behind me. I know people tend to think I have serious issues with the father of my children. I don’t. I forgave him long ago. He is what he is and I will allow the courts to dictate his relationship with his children because we can’t amicably come up with a conclusion. I have tried to work with him. It won’t work. I am not keeping him from his children I am just choosing not to be a victim of his anymore. If I allow him to speak to them when he calls and then wait until the law makes him take care of them that is all I can do. If he decides to come visit them I will make a comfortable environment for my children because they are the most important thing in my life after God. They are at a fragile state right now because they are somewhat confused by what all is going on so I must tread lightly when it comes to them. I need them to know that regardless of the issues that I have with their real father or Baby they are still loved. Now as for me I am slowly but surely realizing that a common denominator in all of this is me. That’s just real talk. I can’t get what I am supposed to have if I am not right. This morning, I was praying and I just need to be fixed. Not sure how God is going to do it or even when, but I know he will. The chains of mistrust and deception need to be broken. I know they are there. I was talking to my girlfriend the other day about trust. Keeping it real I trust no one. I trust in God, that’s it, that’s all. I think about all the things women compromise and do just to keep a man. I think of what all I done to keep one. Wow. I know that God is a jealous God and the very thing you put before him will be the very thing that he removes from you life. If you will allow me to be transparent for a moment. I was going back over my blog, reading some of my old post trying to figure out what happened on what day that made all of my life change. Then it hit me. You can’t worship people they are human, they mess up. That’s basically what I was doing. I needed to see what I already knew and even though I had been praying and working for God at the end of the day I was still worshiping this man. Poor thang, he was doomed from the beginning. When you start things off wrong you often times end them wrong too. So with the forgiveness of him and the forgiveness of me, I press forward, I am out. Be Blessed!!! |
beans3bk
Well Beans, letting go can be difficult but sometimes it is a process that has to take place in order to fulfill your goals, dreams or better yet what God has plan for you. Yes, there is pain when letting go because it can hurt but most of that time it brings about change and open other doors in your life that you wouldn’t have accepted if you had not let go. Only way one door can be open is if you completely close the other because we can’t stand in the doorway and hold two doors open. Either we’re going to choose the one in front or back but something will have to give.
It is good that you forgave him or other people that you had disagreements with and spoke the word but it is also an action word, so your action have to speak just as well. I am not saying be a fool for him or anybody because God did not put us here to be stupid and misused by each other but some where we have to let go in order to grow.
I once heard somebody say elmination and isolation. What is meant by that is sometimes God eliminate people or things out of your life or way in order to isolate you. When we are going through day to day life and surrounded by certain objects, things or people we may allow it to cloud our judgement and can’t (or don’t want to) hear what God is saying to us.
I spoke about this before in a blog. I am not saying just because you let someone go or things don’t work out, that is not saying that person is a bad person. Some journeys we all must travel alone and not with anyone else. As far as trust, well that is a little different but in time I am sure you will trust again or that special someone. I am not saying I am correct but I deal with it a certain way. The way I deal with it is I just trust people to be themselves, so I will not be disappointed or hurt that way.
Finally, I am not saying all of this is easy but it is a natural process that has to occur. I do not have all of your answers and believe me I am struggling with certain issues myself, so I am so far from holier than thou.
Thanks, will I am closing both doors and just sitting on the floor in the hallway and marinate for a while. I need so time to get it together. Thanks for all of your support.