Today is a good day, is it perfect no but it could always be worst. I have had a busy week and tonight is the final night of our church conference so I am going to that. As I look at myself and the people around me I see so many things. I have to wonder why some people are so angry. Why are they upset with me? I haven’t done any dirt in such a long time. Yet my name keeps coming up in people’s mouth, why? I have no man, I definitely don’t have theirs. Lol That was some of the old me. But for some odd reason people want to get at beans. If you could hear some of the stuff I heard about me you would be like Wow, she get down like that. Here I am for over a year and a half, been out of the club scene. I was in a relationship so I was under the radar, so I thought. But that is another post. This is a small city but word travels fast. I drive a mini van people!!!! I take kids around all weekend. All week too. I have no time to be worried about folks but folks sure can worry about me. Oh well I guess that lets me know I am still on the top of my game. The nerd game. I am such a nerd. I love documentaries. Is that somebody people should be wasting energy on,huh? But what I was saying is that I think I know why. The kids were watching videos and I normally don’t but Ego, by Beyonce came on. So I took a peek. I love this song, I know it is not a Christian woman’s theme song but I am a work in progress. I love her confidence. She says I walk like this but I can back up. I feel that. I am a confidant individual; I guess I do have a big ego. Not that I think I am better or this or that, but I am not sitting in a corner waiting on someone to notice me. I don’t need a man, never had problems getting one but I am doing the darn thing by myself. With God of course but I ride life until the wheels fall off. My kids are all that and a bag of chips and when you see them they are fresh. I got a big ego, and I talk like that because I can back it up. LOL This is so not a religious song but at the same time I can do all things through Christ and he allows for me to feel good about myself because he takes care of me. I don’t need anyone or anything else because his grace is sufficient. I am laughing now because I know my cousin who is a biblical scholar is going to eat this up but I don’t care. I can interpret God’s love for me any way I like. I am so focused on working for him, the rest of the mess and the haters can kick rocks. I still love them but they are off my radar. I know you see me, but I don’t even know you exist. I will continue to walk and talk how I please until God does different, I am out, be blessed.
When Snakes Keep on Biting July 30, 2009
What a topic!!!! This was the sermon from last night at our conference. I heard this and I was like man. This is so how I feel I want to give you the biblical aspect of it because I think it needs to be stated also The scripture is Numbers 21 v1-9. But it was basically the children of Israel fell under the wrath of God, he sent serpents they bit them and they died. He told Moses to build a bronze serpent so every time they got bit if they looked up at the serpent they would live. Hmmm. Now let me see and yall know me so I am going to be very transparent for a minute. A half testimony won’t do in this situation. Serpents can be anything. From problems in you relationship, a bunch of failed relationships, financial issues, you name it. So I am sitting there almost in tears because this man is ministering to my soul. I have been getting bit for years. I find a deterrent and they lay off for a while and they keep coming back. I know this, me being human, I know there is something, so then he said if you keep running into the same situation maybe it is not everybody and everything around you, maybe it is you!!! Examine yourself!!! Look to God, like they look to the bronze serpent and your life will be spared. God only helped the people after, they confessed their sins. The preacher also said, seek help outside of yourself. When we go through something we close up and don’t allow other in because we don’t want them to know what we are truly going through. Seek the prayers of the saints beans. You are praying but it is OK if you let others pray for you. The part that made me cry was that even though they were not up to where they needed to be God gave them a remedy. They were bit by the serpents and the very thing that was killing them from the help of God and just one look they were healed. Wow, the very thing that is hurting me may also be my remedy but instead of looking at the bronze serpent, I need to look to God to be healed. While so as the snakes keep coming and I keep getting bit I will keep looking to God for my remedy. I am crying right now because I know he knows what’s best for me yet it is hard for me at times to keep taking punch, after punch, after punch. I am not complaining and this is no blog of sorrow because I know I have to go through this in order for him to get the glory. At the end of the day it really doesn’t even matter because God is the remedy. I look to him and he will keep me. Now I know people are like she is telling all her business but I need people to know that the God I serve calls for us to be honest when telling of his goodness. I am out, be blessed!!!
July 29, 2009
Today is a trip. I keep getting hit with one blow after another. I am not sure what is going on. I know this I am going to church tonight and I am going to hear the word of God. I am not going to worry about what I don’t have or what I need because he will supply my needs. School is starting soon and everyday I am getting things together for my children to start school. I am so tired of dealing with people when it comes to my children. I am officially shielding them from the world from this point on. There will not be another that I allow to come close to my children. I am so tired of the false hope they are given. Poor things they still believe in people. I know the Lord will work it out, plus there will be an over abundance. If he can feed 5000 people with 2 fish and 5 loaves of bread I am sure he can give me a way to accommodate the needs of three little kids. No matter if I am their only parent or not. We have the same father and he will take care of them. I am out be blessed.
I will not falter July 29, 2009
Enough is enough. When I first started this blog it was for fun. The post I wrote were to be inspirational. I am almost to the point that I don’t want to do it anymore. Every word I say is scrutinized. People read it then turn my words against me. I am so close to just shutting it down that I can’t take it. The sad thing is that the very ones that attack it already claim to know God so I am not sure why they have a problem with me, a single woman who has definitely messed up. I have three kids no husband. Living to serve God and let people know that it is OK to be a mess. He will take you as you are. I started off this race as a hot mess but he has worked on me and worked on my heart and spirit and allowed me to care for people. He allowed me to love someone other than my immediate family. He taught me to love and value myself and not use people for material gain. Somebody out in the world needs to know that but we and I will add myself are too simple to put that out there because we dare not have beans thinking she is this or that. FYI, it’s not about anybody but Jesus. He put me here to let the world know he still saves. Even people like me. So as I love those that slander me and keep it moving know that no matter what you think of me. God knows me and he knows that he didn’t pick me for no reason. Is it a story of glamour no, but it is a story of a person that looked fine on the outside but was a mess on the inside called to God he heard her prayer, sent her what she needed she lost focus so he took it away for her to be able to realize who God really is. There will be more to this story but I believe in this:
I hope you can pull it up, Kim Burrell/ Thank You Lord
Now nobody should be mad but the devil but if you are check yourself.
I love everybody but don’t look at me, Look to him,
I am out, be blessed
While I am on this……… July 28, 2009
Tedious journey, I want Jesus to walk with me. Everyday I realize that into every life some rain must fall. I get that I am good with that. I am just giving God the glory for what he has already done. I was listening to this sermon yesterday on my way home from work and it was talking about praising God. I swear the preacher that wrote this must know me and lives in my closet or my cell because I know he knew my personal business. Lol But anywho what he was saying that sometimes in your life you must lose things that block your view from God. If you don’t remove them, he will remove them for you. Sometimes, we, no I need to make this personal, I am so caught up in appearances of how things look to others I never really take time to view situations look from my view. I never take time to see how God views them. Why??? I am a work in progress and God is so not through with me yet, but I like things to look a certain way. My children, myself and all those around me. While evaluating my appearance driven life I realized. Everything on the outside looks great, shines like new money. People are always complimenting me on this or that from my kids to my hair. I love the compliments but the things only look nice because God allowed me to be able to live a lifestyle that will allow me to make things look nice. I am in no way rich but I am a recipient of his favor. But back to what I was trying to say. God will get his glory either way. But the preacher was saying just for one minute forget about all of your problems, issues, wants and just praise God for who he is and what he has done. So as I go from day to day and I am not going to be naïve enough to believe that thing won’t happen. Stuff and people won’t come and go, but there is only one thing I am sure of.is that I want Jesus to walk with me. As I look at the world today and all the people who are dying and don’t know God, I have to examine myself. Me knowing God and keeping it to myself will not do. I have been seriously working on my book, lately, not that I will have millions of readers but somebody has to know this story of how God can take a person that was nothing. So unworthy of everything. Turn them into a vessel for him. Sounds like a best seller to me. I don’t care if I have to give it away. This story need to be told. I look at myself from how I used to be and how I am and I amaze myself at times. That’s just real there have been so many situations where I would have never allowed things to just play out. There are times that it would be nothing for me to act a fool and hurt other people’s feeling but by the grace of God I have not done it. I am taking baby steps but he is still walking with me. I am out, be blessed!!!
Mommy and three time July 27, 2009
If you live long enough you will learn what it means to trust in God. As I journey through life God is teaching me. He is making me focus on him and not the situations around me. I am so blessed to have three beautiful children. I love my kids with all I have. They are getting bigger and older and they are really becoming little people. We talk and they have a lot of insight on my life. They tell me what they think about everything. Even when I don’t ask. Well they were talking about me going off on them. Then they began to mock, how I act and I had to start laughing. We are really close. I remember when they were little, now they are big. My baby wears a size five shoe. I think I am going to need 10 jobs to feed them when they get bigger; they are already eating me out of house and home. Lol. But I want so much for them. They are so ethnically challenged especially the two youngest ones. I remember when I was little we used to be hooked on BET, they hardly ever watch it. Yesterday we popped popcorn and laid in the bed and watched a movie. It was nice. I am not a big hugger, not sure why but yesterday we just hugged and laid and laughed. It was actually refreshing. Three little children. Not a care in the world I love their innocence and playfulness. I love the fact that they have no clue of all the day to day drama. I make it a point to shield them from it because I believe they have seen enough. I know they have questions about all that is evolving in my life but right now I need them to see that they are the most important things in my life. I think at times I am so busy keeping them busy that I don’t spend as much time with them as I should. Soon drill team season will be over and we will get out Saturdays back. As they get older I want to expose them to new things and allow them to see there is a world outside of our small town. We are taking a road trip in September. That should be really interesting. Just me, them, and the open road. I am excited and they are too. I am so sure that the best is yet to come for them. They have so many dreams and aspirations. I am going to do my best to make sure they get to reach their goals. People always talk about single moms and how they can’t be a father. I am not trying to be a father. I am trying to be the best mother I know how. God is blessing me and allowing me to raise my children to love him. If I do that I believe everything else will fall into place. That was just on my heart and to all the single moms and dads out their keep doing your best to make sure they are happy. There is nothing better than good memories of childhood, I know because I still have so many. I am out, be blessed.
July 27, 2009
Wow it is amazing how God works. Just when you are ready to throw in the towel, he will do something for you that you never imagined. I usually don’t post on Sundays but I must say that I am so glad to know that what he has for me is just that, for me. No need to argue about it or fret. If you believe in him for what he says all you gotta do is just sit back and allow him to work. No need to push him or even question. Just continue to diligently seek him and he will sit you in a position to reap all he has to offer. My weekend was extremely busy. I got to see one of my oldest dearest friends. I was so blessed to see her mother retire. I went to the party and I said I wasn’t going to say anything but I had too. The Lord makes no mistakes and he will send people and place them where they need to be when you need them and I was just so happy to share in that celebration with them. I have been looking to the future for my family and I think I am going to need some shades. God has moved some things in my life and ordered my steps for me to recieve all that he has promised. I have realized the more I seek him the more he carries me through. Do I have to hurt sometimes yes but my good days always outweigh my bad days so I won’t complain. I am completing one season moving to another and preparing myself to walk in the victory he has promised. It is now time to reap. The harvest is officially ripe. Now it is up to me to bring in the crop. Emotionally he has been healing old deep wounds so I can heal and continue to press. The scars will be visible but the pain has gone away. I will add all this to my testimony when this is over and if his healing power don’t get to them through my story I am not sure what will. The things that have happened and occurred can only be the work of the Lord. I praise him everyday for his mighty acts. I am out, be blessed!!
LOL July 24, 2009
Not much to say today. I am good. Kids are good. All is well in the house of beans. Gotta busy weekend. Nothing changes. God continues to sustain me. All I can do about it all is Laugh out Loud. I am out be blessed.
Give me five July 23, 2009
Today I am torn, one part of me says beans, be the bigger person, rise above the foolishness another part of me is like go ahead tell the truth and then those who need to know what it really is will go back to where they came from and be quiet. As you already know I am going to take the high road. The low road is just not a good look for me. Lol. I feel like I am constantly challenged by people not because what I do to them but it is like they just want to see me act a fool. No worries, I have no time for that. I continue to pray for strength to not go off. I pray that God will continue to allow me to love people in spite of what they say or do. I know it sounds good but in all actuality it adds to my deliverance. Me saying I won’t tell you what it really is is so much different than doing it. So I bite my tongue and I move forward. Any person that knows me knows, I have a strong personality. I have a happy spirit. Only two people on this planet have ever seen me truly go off. Of course those two are men. I was talking to my girlfriend last night and we were laughing because I for the life of me can’t understand how I got so popular. This is a small city but I hear that my name comes up all the time. My life consists of being a mom. I don’t go out because I done that for so long it has gotten old. I drop my kids off and pick them up from all of their activities. I go to church, work, school, the center, and home. People, I drive a mini van it is always packed with kids why do that bother people. It was funny because my friend heard two people talking about me in the store. She first was listening then they said my name, me. What do I have to do with these people? They don’t even know me. They mentioned him, and gave each other five. Get out of here. Giving each other five about somebody else’s man or ex is so funny. Sitting waiting in the wings in so through. That’s not even the funny part the funny pat was when she kindly set them straight , let them know what it was and then they stood in silence .I wonder if they wish they could take that five back,lol. Dang. I am not here to serve man. I don’t care what man does. I have a higher calling on my life than being somebody’s boo. People don’t make me and I refuse to allow them to hurt me with all this slander about something that has nothing to do with the true me. I think if some people focused on the Lord as much as they worried about what me and Baby were doing they would be in so much better shape. In the end I only answer to one person. I am working on that everything else that I do or comes to pass will occur after I do what I am supposed to do. I don’t need a man, I got Jesus and that’s enough. I am really wanting to get a commercial on the television, no I need a infomercial on what happened and what is going on so those that think they know will know the whole story and not be talking about it. I am not mad, I am praying for them and anybody else that keeps putting my name in their mouth. Please people find something constructive to do with your time. I will never put my personal business on a post again. People read it think that just because it is good for me it will be good for them too. OK, I am finished; I had to get that off my chest. I am still loving my haters. I am out be blessed.
beans3bk
