Do you give up on love? Do you just walk away? I have been through it when it comes to romance and if you know me personally then you really know the drama of it. I think being in a relationship takes give and take. I know these people they really love each other, I know them so I know they do. Some things have transpired, now they are questioning what they have. How do you even question that? What gets you to the point of doubt after everything you’ve been through? I think me being an outsider might not know every detail, but to love somebody your entire adult life, they do one thing now you don’t know. I think in relationships early on there is doubt, but I look at my own and it really makes me nervous. One moment everything is fine, one thing occurs and then its splittsvile. I am praying for them, but I ask you this. What would make you walk away? Could you recover from such a blow? How can you pick up the pieces? I am praying this is it for me. I have faith that leads me to believe that God has created this love for me. If I had to walk away, I will definitely need strength from him to move on. This was on my heart. Let me know what you think. I am out be blessed.
Giving Honor to God March 24, 2009
I am sitting at my desk in tears right now, but these aren’t tears of sadness but of joy. My oldest son is on the honor roll. And to you that don’t know the situation it is nothing, but my baby has been through it he has ADHD and a growth hormone problem that makes him gain more weight than the children his age. So he is a big boy. He is a talented drummer and he is sweet as can be but school has been hard for him. I have been to the school a million times talked to all the special education people. Argued with people trying to medicate him. I refused because I didn’t want him to be a zombie. Today he called me from the babysitter telling me, he has received a certificate from the school. Man I am so glad God blessed me with my children and even though it has not been easy, I am so elated. This is a miracle at work. This is the reason I go to church the reason I praise God like I do, the reason I keep it pushing. I am so grateful to God that he has allowed me to have these people and so what if they don’t have not a father. They are so important to me. More important than they could be to eight people. He is sooo good. Be Blessed.
March 24, 2009
I really have not been doing that much blogging lately because there is so much that I want to say but can’t. So rather than spill all the beans, I try to keep it to a minimum. I had a pretty good weekend. I took my daughter to her dance competition, we went to Chuck E Cheese Sunday, it was crazy but at the same time we had a ball I love it when my children have a good time. They were so happy. I am out of school this week, thank God. I am glad for that. I had a good time at church Sunday, I was sick and normally when you were feeling the way I was you stay home, but I was like no it is nothing but the devil. I pressed on and made it too. I was not about to let him get the victory. I don’t know. There has been a lot going on in my personal life and I am adjusting. I am tired of fighting for what is already mine, but people don’t see that. They have no clue. If they knew they wouldn’t dare cross me. Haha. No just kidding, but have you got up and felt like I really don’t feel like doing this. I really just don’t want to. Nobody knows my heart or my feelings or what is going on internally, everybody is staring at you expecting you to perform and you would prefer to go sit in a corner. But you gotta keep it moving because you got people to take care of. You got business to handle. You can’t drift off in a business meeting and even though you are there, they are talking you are trying to keep your life together. You hear noise but you aren’t paying attention then somebody says “What do you think?” Now you wanna tell them what you really think, but all you can utter is that’s fine. God is so good to me, I am blessed to have a job and all of the rest that I have so I will continue to struggle in this thing called life until he sees different. I decided to stop going off because since I was sick the last time, I had been having minor chest pains and I got too many people to take care of to be sick so I will be reducing my stress on every level. I am out be blessed!!!
March 20, 2009
Ok, here we go, it is Friday, I am so glad. I have a busy weekend. I feel like I deserve a treat, I don’t know what yet. School is out next week, thank God. I won’t know what to do to be able to come straight home from work. I am going to do some spring cleaning. My children have so many clothes, nice clothes they can’t fit so I will be donating that stuff and devoting time to things I love. I will get to go to prayer meeting, I love that. I am trying to decide or praying on my next responsibility at the church, I didn’t like working with the kids. I have too many issues with singing with the praise team but there has to be a job for me somewhere. So I am praying to be used by God, Lord knows I let enough other people use me. I am out, be blessed!!!
March 19, 2009
If is funny how the devil works, you will be minding your business doing your own thing and sure enough, here he comes. I am tired of drama. I need simple. I want things to come together for me and just be simple. But no not beans. People have normal everyday lives that are calm and sweet. Picket fences and happy music playing not me. Some days I feel like it is not right unless something rubs me the wrong way. My grandma always says signifying is worst than stealing and that is the truth. Like I said I know people don’t like me. I know people have issues with me. The part that kills me is that the people that claim to be on your team cut you deeper than any person on the street and then act like they don’t know. I also people deliberately do things to you to hurt you and act like it’s nothing. I won’t get mad; I will pray for them and then decide what I will choose to do as far as they are concerned in my life. I am out, be blessed!!!!
March 18, 2009
I wasn’t going to blog today because my post sometime seem to be redundant but I need to put this on paper. I am not concerned with how others view me, I have learned a long time ago you can’t please people. I know people talk about me. I know people don’t like me. That is the reality of life. It is exactly what it is. My whole issue is this. Why be fake about it? Why act like you like people and then turn around and talk about them like a dog. Right about now I am shaking the tree. Some will definitely fall off and be left by the wayside. I think people are jealous even when they act like they aren’t. I have been doing some soul searching and analyzing some things this past week and have viewed people in different lights than ever before. Watch out for people that always have an opinion about your business. Pay attention to their true intentions. All advice is not good advice and it is not always given to you with the intention for your well being. I think if you analyze people and just sit back and watch them you will truly be able to see their real intentions, I am out. Be blessed.
My Soul Loves Jesus March 17, 2009
I am so happy the sun is shining, God is so good. I am in a good place today, not because everything is oh so perfect but more important than that, he is so good to me. I am so content with where he has placed me right now. I am pressing and the more the devil tries to get in the more I press. I am so happy to be a mom. I am so proud of my children. They are growing up so fast. They love God, I know because they told me. I can’t sing really well but I like messing with them. Well about a month ago. I taught them “My Soul Loves Jesus”. In three parts. My daughter, had soprano, my oldest had tenor, and my baby had alto. This is funny because they kinda blend well. Well this morning, they were getting ready. They were singing, and my daughter was trying to give my baby his note. Lol. Now remember they are 7, 8, and 9. It was hilarious. So I went in my room and helped them out. They sounded pretty good. My daughter was like, what is a soul. I am like how do you explain this to an 8 year old without freaking them out. I was like “your gutt”. The true inside that makes you do what you do. She was like oh, is it a mixture of your heart and brain. I was like kinda. She was then like well I know my heart loves Jesus because he died for me to have life, and have it more abundantly. My mouth almost hit the floor. My youngest said he died on the cross. My oldest who is a slickster had the nerve to say,” he was a sacrifice. The greatest sacrifice. The lamb of God”. Now doesn’t that make you feel good? I am so on training them up to know the word. He is a wonder in my soul. Bless his name, I am out, be blessed.
March 16, 2009
I really haven’t been blogging like I should the devil is so busy trying to get up in my mess. I really don’t appreciate what he is trying to do. Not that he cares. But you see the beauty of is that God is right in the midst of all that is going on working with me, working it out for me. So regardless of what happens, I am not moved. He keeps me in his bosom and allows me to rest my head when I just can’t take anymore. I think I am tired but if there were no bad times I would be able to appreciate the good times. When you follow God the hardest sometimes the harder things get. You must stay prayed up. I woke up earlier than usual today; I began to pray for God to work things out in my life. I don’t need distractions. I need him to order it all so I can fully devote my all to him. I try not to worry because to worry is a sin. I turn it over to Jesus and let him move as he sees fit. If things will be, they will be. I have been praying for revelation period, like I said once before he will sometimes reveal things you really don’t want to see. Sometimes he will show you something that will hurt you to the core, but he is looking out for you. He does not make mistakes. Heed his revelations. I have learned that what you see is exactly that. Pray on all moves and let him lead you. I’m out, Be blessed
March 13, 2009
Today is Friday; thank God my week has been filled with ups and downs. I made it, God is so good. I wouldn’t be able to tell you how good he is if he didn’t bring me out. No way for people to see his goodness if I don’t make it through it all. I think Christians try to act like all is good all the time and I am a witness that it don’t happen like that. Now God is good, and come what may at the end of it all beans will be good. I have more diligent on my book lately because I believe it will be a good read. You don’t get this stuff anywhere. I was reading it over last night and some of the stuff is so unreal people will probably think it is fiction. The sad, crazy and amazing thing is that it is all true. It will tell how my whole story and how everything came through full circle. All I can say is that the Lord works in mysterious ways. I am out. Be blessed
There are some things……. March 11, 2009
I may not know, there are some places, I can’t go, but I am sure of this one thing…. Hahaha and that’s where the joy comes in… That God is real for I can feel him in my soul. Wow, today has been a trip. I usually blog in the mornings, but I was so busy I couldn’t. I have been pining through my mind all day, and this is the only thing I’m sure of. Build your hopes on things eternal. Praise God, I am crying right now because that is exactly what you must do. Earth will fade away but God is going no where. I am kinda down, so I am in hymn mode. Contemporary gospel is cool, but I am drawn, to things Like Yes Jesus, Loves Me. There is no other confirmation needed because come what may, he loves me. I am so grateful to God for that. The beauty of it is he loves me when I don’t even have sense enough to love myself. I am busy but I needed to say this. He is keeping me moving in spite of all that is going on around me, while people are thinking this and talking that, he is working things out on my behalf, so I praise him in advance. If he doesn’t do anything else and things don’t work out like I want them too, I praise him for that too. I am out gotta do my work, but just know I am good. Be blessed!!!!
beans3bk
