Not sure what’s going on, I don’t have a topic nor a title today. I am hungry and sleepy. I’ve been working on keeping my emotions in tact. I have really been trying not to go off. I think at times I am tested to see if I will snap but for this entire week there has been nothing to take me to the boiling point. I am getting ready for Christmas; my kids have some cute little list, nothing too extravagant so they should be good. I was also happy to notice that I have already picked up some things they have listed. The funniest thing to me is that my 8 year old daughter wants a bra. That is sad my baby is growing up. Yesterday I was holding a baby, I was in heaven. He was so sweet and smelled so good. I was holding a baby Sunday I got that same feeling. I wonder what’s going on with me. I know my biological clocked has stopped and my baby is 6 but who knows. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
My co workers are like chewing on my last nerve. I think I have been a slight bit irritated lately, but this is all over the top. I don’t like talking to people and they all talk and expect me to talk too and at times I really don’t want too.
I think more opportunities for my business are about to explode because some things are moving around to work out for my good. School is almost over; while I am out I plan to really focus on my parenting. My children do well in school, but I think it is time to raise the bar. I think we will start going to the library once a week and do some book reports and discussions. Like the Oprah book club but for little kids. I came to the conclusion that starting from now on, we will spend Saturdays together. I am also going to sing in the choir, this is an older crowd of seasoned Christians, they don’t sound real well but they are true. I just can’t do fake. I am a place in my life where I can’t be fake about anything. No more façades. It is what it is. I can remember when appearance was everything to me. I can remember buying expensive clothes for my kids and how I would be like, oh no, they can’t wear this or that. I can remember a good friend of mine telling me that I will never buy your kids any clothes because you act funny and I don’t want my feelings hurt. Now that I think about it I know exactly what she meant. I used to turn my nose up at things like, I don’t think so but it is amazing how God will humble you.
The older I get the more I see thing clear. Reality will some times make you recognize a lot of things. In an earlier post I spoke on victory coming through adversity. I am a firm believer in that. If I never went through anything, if I never had trials I wouldn’t be able to see the goodness of God. But, since I have been through it I know what it is to have plenty and I know what it is to have nothing so I will praise him in either state I am in. My pastor was talking about people only going to God in bad times. When times are good, no need to come to church. Let something happen people be running through the door. I can’t understand that. Some things are beyond beans thinking capacity, but I’m out, Be Blessed!!!!
beans3bk
