I am in a decent mood today, beans has no issues with anybody, and I am still just busy as ever. I can’t believe how I get through some days. I have been doing all I can until 11 and then I make myself go to bed. I can’t function the next day if I am tired and thats the truth. I have an attitude, so to deter myself from being the grinch that stole the morning, I must have rest. I need sleep so bad some days, I can’t take it. I think me going to bed earlier helps me. I know I need to do a lot of growing up. I am responsible for so many things and so many things, and so many people. My children are out of school for a few weeks so that makes my mornings a little easier. Yesterday in class we had a speaker and she was very good. She was a poet and some of her stuff was a little wild, but for the most part I enjoyed it. She started talking about how it took her 13 years to get her degree. I was like man I am not the only one who is taking forever but it is hard working and going to school. It is like I want to better myself and provide a better life for my children and at the same time I am running myself in the ground. I know why it is better to go to college right after high school; it all makes total sense now. Duh. Lol. When you are focused on one goal not seven, but I am not going to worry about it, God will see me through; this is more to add to my testimony.
I look at my love life and it has done a complete 180. I think people don’t know how to deal with the conservative bean. I think everybody even though I tell them what it is, are still looking for the party girl. We see guys and they get all excited, I just fall back because I already know what they want. Not to say it is bad to meet new people but I have found the man for me and for once in my life I have no desire to look for another. I can laugh about it now, because I am so secure in my relationship and so soulfully connected with my baby, that there is nothing they can say. Flash all the cash you please; drive the nice fancy car, that don’t excite beans. You know what I love and cherish more than anything, a night with my baby, no kids, us and take out. We can debate for hours about anything. I like to hold a conversation with a man of character, not a man that is a character. Hahaha. I don’t need flashy and gaudy like I used to I just need simple. Don’t get me wrong my baby gets fresh but he works for his nice things he doesn’t pollute the community with poison so I can get a handbag. I respect men that work. I respect men that embrace fatherhood. I look at my own dad, yes I love him, but he is just so lost. He has gotten a million times better than he was when I was a child but it takes a real man to be a father. Some things you just can’t fake. I spoke to my kids father a few weeks ago and he was still talking about partying and kicking it. Not to say that men can’t do that but at some point that should get old. There is nothing more attractive about my man to me then how good of a father he is. I know women out there are in relationships with men right now that don’t take care of their children and I don’t understand how they can date a man who don’t take care of his responsibilities. I would be scared to get in the bed with someone who didn’t care how his children ate. I would have to wonder when God would show his wrath on them. It would make me sleep with on eye open, hahaha. Just kidding but you know what I mean. Men not taking care of their children is such an epidemic. It is beyond me. I don’t know how you can rest and not see about your own flesh. Enough about that yall all know I can stand on my soapbox for days about a deadbeat father. And since I don’t have a physical father and my children really don’t have one either, one thing I am sure of is that we have a heavenly father. He never sleeps nor slumbers, so I don’t have to worry about a thing. I know my heavenly father watches over me Come what may, I know a man that is going to take care of me. Like I said, he don’t need no bling, he owns it all. The earth is the Lord’s and the fullness there of. So I am good. Sunday my preacher spoke of the woman who only had enough meal and oil to feed her and her son for one more day, then the man of God came and asked her for some food, she followed God’ s will fed the man and her and her son ate for years to come. I guess I said all that to say, that I am a witness, that when you are down to nothing, God is up to something, He will meet your needs. One of my mom’s favorite bible quote “I’ve never seen the righteous forsaken or his seed begging for bread”. Think about it you may have been down to your last but God had to restore you because you are still here. I am done, sermon over, be blessed.
beans3bk
