I love Grey’s Anatomy, that is my show, I love all the characters and I can see a little of all of them in me. I have really been going through this struggle within myself trying to find happiness and cope with love. I am so not used to dealing with things I tend to over think things so I don’t look stupid. The key is that I can’t come out of this looking like a fool. I feel like everyone around is just sitting around with their mouth watering waiting for me to mess up. I want my relationship to last but it is hard because I don’t want to be vulnerable. I don’t want to look stupid; I don’t want to be the grown fool. Has anyone ever felt that way? In love, trusting but scared. As I get deeper in I find feelings that I never had before. If you knew me you would not think that I was insecure, but I think I am. I am a mother, a medical professional, I can stand in front of groups of people hold question and answer periods about what I do with some of the greatest physicians in the area, yet I am nervous about love. That is crazy but that’s it. I am nervous. I know it is a sin to be nervous, but I am. I figured it out as I argued with my baby at 3 AM this morning. Does anybody else get nervous? Are you scared when it is going to good? Is that normal?
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I get nervous. I am in a new relationship and everything is going so well and I am so happy that I can’t help but be scared out of my mind.
Hey scifibutterfly, thanks for letting me know I was not going out of my mind. Well hang in there, I will do the same. I think we deserve to be happy!!!
Sistah Girl, sang that song for all of us. I completely understand!
I think that because we have had to “protect” ourselves for so long it is hard to accept, be open to and let go in love. The beauty of your (our) realization, is that noticing you are holding back allows you to not only let go but confront and heal the issues that manifest themselves in the form of fear.
I too am in a relationship that I find hard to believe sometimes. I have the horrible habit not only in this relationship but in most areas of my life of “waiting for the other shoe to drop” and I know I’m not alone.Every woman out here doin the dang thang *smile* knows how it is to walk into a conference room of our peers and superiors and work what we’ve got; to multitask so much that when we are not juggling several to do’s we feel weird. It’s easy to control the people and things that we are not vulnerable to. If there is an issue we face it head on and resolve it. It is another issue to do that with our hearts.
I take the compliments that my honey gives me and twist them until they are not compliments any more.ANYONE who knows me will say that my confidence borders on, or even well surpasses the cocky line, but is all the outward confidence and inward doubt conflicting to make the scared mate that can’t take her man looking straight into her eyes and saying “Your beautiful and I love you “, without accusing him of “being funny”?? I had to take a LONG hard look at myself to determine where that comes from and you should keep doing the same.
I wish the best for you and your love and hope that you are able to continue to discuss with him the fears you have. Know that he is not “out to get you ” and he wouldn’t be there if he didn’t want to. ENJOY him and allow yourself to be loved
Man, Moni, I think you have something there, the pain from all my previous relationships are strapped to my back and it is so hard for me to lay all that down and allow this love to float. I have been praying to be able to receive the love and take it for what it is. Not what I think it is. I guess I am so consumed with how others perceive me that I dare not let them know that I am weak. I have this only the strong survive mentality because that’s how I have survived and now I can relax. I guess I am just “Waiting to Exhale” you work on being loved and I will too. Thanks,
I see that men are not the only dysfunctional beings on this planet….lol. I am not here to bash women, but alot of women that I have encountered does not know how to embrace a good man when you have one. At some point women (and men) need to take responsibility for their actions. Waiting for the other shoe to drop is not an excuse for us (men and women) to act the way that we do. I understand that your past does dictate your present, but that does not mean that you have to revel the past. The past is the past for a reason. I understand that we have been hurt in the past. But when do we become accountable for today? Huh….someone please tell me. I get tired of hearing men and women say that, “I’ve been hurt before.” Yes, we all have been hurt, but that builds character and we press on. I’m not trying to be this unsympathetic dude, but when we get to a certain point in our lives we (men and women again) must press forward….or fall flat on our faces looking backwards.
All men are not out for one thing….all women are not out for one thing. There are actually good women and men out there that is just that…good. You must first look at the calamity that you surround yourself with. You can’t be 30 something still going to the club and bar and then wondering why none of your relationships are working. At some point you are the old cat in the club. What you did at 21 is not cool at 30. It is all a maturation process. 30 is not the new 20….30 is 30 and soon to be 40 before you know it. Come to grips with were you are at in the circle of life and build on it. You can’t carbon copy those years of the past. Look at the company you keep and then align that company with your vision in life. You never want to be the one in your circle that is the most successful….marinate on that
Well David, it is funny thay you say that, I have really been wrestling with my issues from the past and like you said. I have decided to own up to them, face them head on, mow them down so I can clear the fields and allow my love to grow. I have noticed that all men aren’t out for one thing and that one thing really doesn’t mean too much because it is superficial. Love is alot of things but that one thing don’t mean anything if your mate runs across someone that can do it better. I think those that you associate with play a huge role in your life. I for one don’t believe in actual peer pressure but the mood of those you come in contact with do play apart in your emotional state. I try to surround myself with positive people because sometimes i need to function off of their positivity. I don’t club anymore because I am tired of that scene. The club is extra and I just want simple. There is nothing better than takeout and a movie with someone you care for. That is so right 30 is not the new 20. I embrace my age because It brings all the knowledge I have gained through the years into play. I am way better at 31 than I was at 21.