I love Fridays, there is something about a Friday, that brings me such great joy. I am not too busy this weekend. I am doing the mom thing and hanging out with my baby. He is so good to me. I am so ready for this day to end so much so that I really don’t have too much else to say. Be blessed. Take your children to Sunday school. Matter fact take yourselves.
My Soul Mate October 30, 2008
I know those of you that read my blog are like this chick is nuts. I am so happy to have this outlet. I love the fact that I can just speak on all that is on my heart. There are so many things that I can only elude too because all that my life includes but in due time I will be able to tell everything and I think it will make more sense to you. The Lord works in mysterious ways and the things he does and the people that he puts in you life can sometimes trip you out. Things will come to pass that you will never imagine in your wildest dreams. It will be sudden and before you know it he has put you in a completely different place. I know I speak about my baby all the time and yall are probably tired of hearing about it, oh well. Last night we talked and it was amazing the things he can pick up on without me even saying anything. He can tell when something is wrong for me. He will be like beans, that’s not a good idea, I do it anyway and turns out he was right. I can sense when something is wrong with him, I can feel it at times. Like if something is going on, a light bulb comes on like call Baby. Sure enough it will be a time when he needs me. I know we aren’t twins but we have a connection that is other than just physical. I truly believe that we have a spiritual connection. I think we were made especially for one another. I know it took some time and we both have been through some things, but I am a firm believer that he was made for me. He completes me. As you all can see I am in love this morning. I am in love all the time but for some reason today is special, be blessed!!
No topic, No title October 29, 2008
Not sure what’s going on, I don’t have a topic nor a title today. I am hungry and sleepy. I’ve been working on keeping my emotions in tact. I have really been trying not to go off. I think at times I am tested to see if I will snap but for this entire week there has been nothing to take me to the boiling point. I am getting ready for Christmas; my kids have some cute little list, nothing too extravagant so they should be good. I was also happy to notice that I have already picked up some things they have listed. The funniest thing to me is that my 8 year old daughter wants a bra. That is sad my baby is growing up. Yesterday I was holding a baby, I was in heaven. He was so sweet and smelled so good. I was holding a baby Sunday I got that same feeling. I wonder what’s going on with me. I know my biological clocked has stopped and my baby is 6 but who knows. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
My co workers are like chewing on my last nerve. I think I have been a slight bit irritated lately, but this is all over the top. I don’t like talking to people and they all talk and expect me to talk too and at times I really don’t want too.
I think more opportunities for my business are about to explode because some things are moving around to work out for my good. School is almost over; while I am out I plan to really focus on my parenting. My children do well in school, but I think it is time to raise the bar. I think we will start going to the library once a week and do some book reports and discussions. Like the Oprah book club but for little kids. I came to the conclusion that starting from now on, we will spend Saturdays together. I am also going to sing in the choir, this is an older crowd of seasoned Christians, they don’t sound real well but they are true. I just can’t do fake. I am a place in my life where I can’t be fake about anything. No more façades. It is what it is. I can remember when appearance was everything to me. I can remember buying expensive clothes for my kids and how I would be like, oh no, they can’t wear this or that. I can remember a good friend of mine telling me that I will never buy your kids any clothes because you act funny and I don’t want my feelings hurt. Now that I think about it I know exactly what she meant. I used to turn my nose up at things like, I don’t think so but it is amazing how God will humble you.
The older I get the more I see thing clear. Reality will some times make you recognize a lot of things. In an earlier post I spoke on victory coming through adversity. I am a firm believer in that. If I never went through anything, if I never had trials I wouldn’t be able to see the goodness of God. But, since I have been through it I know what it is to have plenty and I know what it is to have nothing so I will praise him in either state I am in. My pastor was talking about people only going to God in bad times. When times are good, no need to come to church. Let something happen people be running through the door. I can’t understand that. Some things are beyond beans thinking capacity, but I’m out, Be Blessed!!!!
That was me once, too October 28, 2008
It’s amazing how much smoother your days go when you remain calm. I think of the saying don’t sweat the small stuff because everything is small stuff. I am so glad God has been so good to me. I really can’t even explain how many things he is working out in my life. I am just in prayer about so many things right now. I have actually started a list. I don’t want to leave things out. I want to be thorough in all that I do including my prayer. I have been staying positive in all aspects of my life. I think of that song. “It is well with my soul”. I can’t even be upset about anything because it is all happening to make me a better person. Yesterday when I went to pick my kids up from the daycare there was this girl standing outside of the daycare, it was sprinkling, and she had two little kids. She stopped me and was like let me ask you something, I was like cool, what’s up? She proceeded to ask me about the lady that runs the daycare and how she told her she couldn’t wait inside for her ride with her two little kids. She said she had to go. Well I initially told her forget that, go on back in there, I’ll go talk to her, I was running late and rushing so I really didn’t have time to deal with it, and then I thought, slow down and see what’s going on. She proceeded to tell me she was waiting on her ride because her car had broke down and she had to stand outside with her two kids and wait because they were acting mean to her. She then began to cry, I was like Oh Lord. Beans keep it together and talk to this girl; she was probably about 24 or so. She went on to say, it was too cold for them to walk or she would just walk, I started to hug her, but people don’t like for you to touch them so I was like, stop crying, I’ll take you home. She said you don’t know where I live, I told her come on, I don’t care where you live. I took her kids by the hand and led them to my van. I told her to fix her face and get herself together and I took them home. She didn’t live but like a mile away, but she had a bag because she was trying to go to school and two little kids that would have been a treacherous walk in the rain. When I got to her house I let her out and told her it would be ok, and anytime I was there and she needed a ride, let me know it was nothing. As she got out of the car, I began to cry, because I could feel her pain. Where she was at, I had been in that same exactly place. Trying to work and better myself three babies and no car, and I don’t know her name but I am praying for her. To think back, just a few years, that was me. So I know what it feels like when people kick you when you are down. The sad part about it is the lady that runs the daycare is supposed to be religious. How can you claim you love God, and mistreat other people? I have to look at her in a different light now. How can you testify of his goodness and them be mean and nasty? God is love. I am really praying on my next step in my ministry and I know yesterday was confirmation on what I want to do. There needs to be outreach. I can not run to church in my nice things and talk about the goodness of God. See people in distress and keep it moving. I wish saved people would step out of their own righteousness long enough to realize that they are where they are only due to grace and mercy. Nothing that you have done entitles you to anything, but God bestows blessings upon you and you should bless other people. Well I will end my sermon no, but think about, and challenge yourselves. Put your money where your mouth is. For the next week do something nice for someone. Don’t let the only way people know you are a Christian is because the see you carrying a nice crispy bible (lol), if it’s in too good of shape that will tell me something about you. Anywho, get out there and live the life you claim to live. I’m out, be blessed. I just put it out there and aint nobody mad but the devil.
so check yourself.
I just need a door October 27, 2008
Lately I have been blogging twice, I have been doing some soul searching and come to the realization that some people just get on my nerves. I share an office with five other people, I sit in the corner, they can’t see me but I hear them and they are driving me crazy. We have so many differences. I really need to hurry up and get a degree so I can get out of here; I feel so stagnate, I feel like I am just wasting away. I have to make myself speak to them because they get on my nerves, but I love them because beans love everyone. All they do is talk about food and dieting. There is nothing worst than a food obsessed person on a diet. I get sick of them talking about their points and their diets, but they are always ordering up a bunch of food. Please tell me how many weight watchers’ points are 3 cheese coneys with onion, large cheese fries, and diet coke. I am sure that is your entire points for a week. Then after all that why would you order a diet pop. I just want to be like, LOOK YOU ARE NOT ON A DIET. You are eat everything that comes your way; I am scared to take you to the farm because you might just bite a cow. Lol I know that is wrong but they are driving me up a wall. They made me mad because they went and got lunch today, without me and initially I wanted to clock but as I previously stated, I am not arguing with people so I let it just roll off. Now it is nothing for me to go pick up everybody lunch and they had the nerve to not even ask me did I want some, these people will starve because I am not getting anything for anybody. I sit here and listen to them talk to each other and this one calls me girlfriend. Do you believe that, Girlfriend. Now I make more money than her and I am going to college and she has the nerve to call me Girlfriend. I don’t respond, but I think she doesn’t even realize how demeaning her conversation is to me. I am a professional, I was recruited for this job and she thinks she has the right to call me girlfriend. Some of them are nice but there are so many barriers. One day they had the nerve to ask me if I knew of a family that they could adopt for a Christmas basket, i.e., I guess they think I do. I just laugh, idiocity doesn’t even offend me. I think about it because my children want for nothing, yes I am single but that is basically by choice. I am praying for a door. I have got to get away from these people before I clock. This Girlfriend is out. lol
No More people pleasing October 27, 2008
This morning, I am ok, a lot of things are going on and I am just trying to take it all in, I am still so blessed beyond measure. God is so good; he is working so many things out for my good. I am in a state of calmness. I refuse to argue, I haven’t argued with anybody in an entire week. I am just not moved, I will not allow others to dictate my happiness and the funny thing is that until I thought about it, that is all that I really have been doing for years. We had a speaker yesterday at church, she was talking about being a people pleaser, and I realized that’s all I had been doing my entire life. Negating my own happiness for the happiness of others. And I know that is wrong but I felt that at least that made me happy to make them happy, but in the end they aren’t happy, they complain and I feel worst off then when I started so from here on out, beans won’t be doing that. If I make you happy fine, good for you but if I don’t sorry to hear it because I will not be conforming for anyone. My children are a prime example. I was so tired when I got home from church, they know how to entertain themselves, yet they wanted to keep bothering me. I told them look, I have taken you to church, we did things yesterday, Find yourselves something to do that do not include me. I shut my room door and took a nap. I woke up refreshed. Before I would have just been tired, and took them somewhere or came up with them something to do. Slowly but surely I am learning. Besides my nap yesterday there was not too much more really exciting. I went over my baby’s we watched a movie and played scrabble. It was cool. My life is so much different than it used to be. I remember going places and doing things. I have decided to establish me some me days, not sure if it will be once or twice a month, but there are things that I like to do and I never get to do them, so when I get that going, I’ll let you know. I am glad this semester is almost over at school, I need a mental break also. I am ready for Christmas, I began shopping this weekend. Being Santa is a serious job anyway. I know my two oldest really don’t believe in Santa but my youngest still does and I want him to as long as he can but when he doesn’t Christmas in my house will be different. Look as long as you believe Santa you get what you ask for because that’s what Santa does, but once you stop believing and know the stuff comes from me, you can forget it because I am your mama and you know I am broke, hahahaha.
Well that’s about if for beans today, nothing too deep today. I am still pressing and reflecting. Still in “No Weapon” mode. Just trying to serve God and take care of my family. Be blessed!!!
I love my new blog design October 24, 2008
I love my new blog design, it is so pretty. The brightness is good. This is not so gloomy, It is raining her sleeping weather. I am looking for some direction in my blog. I talk about same stuff all the time I would love to incorporate some new things in my blog. If you have any ideas please let me know. I love to shop, I was thinking about adding some of my shopping trips into this. Maybe some type of food critique not sure. I know I will never stop talking about God, my awesome children, and my wonderful man. If you have any other ideas please let me know. Stop reading and not commenting. That is driving me crazy. Be Blessed.
Victory comes through Adversity October 24, 2008
It is Friday and I am pleased. I swear messing with that Marvin Sapp; I am going to tear up my car. This morning, number 10 got me. Place to Worship. One of the lyrics was like “Even though you’re in the valley victory comes through your adversity”. Think about that. Now this is for you that have been through something if you have never had any problems then you can’t identify with it. I was thinking about how good God is. This time last year, I had lost my job, about a month before Christmas. I was living a life that was foul as can be. I just wasn’t at a place I was proud of. But I am here today. Victory came through my adversity. I sit here today with a better job than I was even qualified for and make more money. I am recipient of his favor, because that’s all it could be. Somebody told me someone was trying to figure out how I became so spiritual. I laugh because people think they know but they have no idea of what God has truly done for me. Am I perfect? No. But I am just so much better than I ever was before. I look at things in a completely different light. I don’t think people can tell the level of my deliverance. It really don’t matter to me. I could care less what anybody thinks or said because at the end of the day I answer to no man. I was talking to my cousin this morning, and she was worried about her daughter catching the bus by herself. I offered to pick her up she said no she would be fine. When we got off the phone I just began to pray for her. There is so much power in prayer, before, I wouldn’t have done that, I would have just went and got her and been like whatever, she got on the bus and she is a big girl, but what I thought about most was the fact that I had enough sense to pray for her. I just thank God for giving me the sense to know that I can’t fix everything on my own, but if I go to him in prayer he will make a way. So back to my initial thought. Victory does come through your adversity; it says every low place in your life prepares you for your high place. I don’t know who is going through what, but I am a witness, that God will be with you. always. He will never leave you nor forsake you. Sorry for the sermon, but it is what it is. Be blessed
I love me some him II October 23, 2008
As you all know I normally don’t blog twice but this afternoon, I have been working things out with my baby, we just haven’t been seeing eye to eye lately. The closer we get to where we need to be, the more trials come on. But I need to make this statement to any reader that comes to the land of bean, I love my man. He is good, kind, sweet, and gentle. I think because I have been doing so much working on me that I forgot to let you know that he is the man. The relationship is filled with bumps and road blocks. However we will persevere. He came over last night and we just held each other. Not to say we don’t do things we shouldn’t but last night. We were both drained. We held each other and slept. We cry together. He is macho so he will never admit it, but he has a lot of pain, I am here to help him heal. God makes no mistakes and he had our paths cross for a reason. He knows my heart, he fills my soul. I think I will forever be change by the love that we share. Our relationship is like the perfect Storm. I love him, he knows it. If he would ever read my blog he would know that, but you know how men are. Be Blessed
Build your hopes on things eternal October 23, 2008
Today, I have some serious issues. I am going through some things trying to sort out some of my issues. I have come too far to turn back now. I have been praying for revelation and clarity. The problem with this is that I can’t decipher if God is trying to reveal things to me or if the devil is in my midst having a heyday. I have learned a few things about myself in the last few days. Truthfully I already knew but now it’s much clearer. I think I have got to find happiness within myself before I can concern myself with making others happy. You can’t please everybody all the time, yet I find myself doing it on a daily basis. I try to please them, go above and beyond; it’s still not good enough then I feel like crap in the end. I will no longer do that. I can’t get mad if people mistreat me especially if I allow them to. I have been a doormat for years, but it ends today. Will a lot of things happen that will probably change my life, maybe so? But from here on out, I am living for me. I will not be mean but I will be asserting myself. If I don’t like something no matter who it is, they will know that I don’t like it. I believe the Lord is revealing this to me for a reason. There has to be some reason for me to get to this point. I live my life in a constant state of urgency, everything is now. I have an anxious feeling about everything, not sure why but I must have and hold all that I want. I look at my relationship and I really don’t know what to say. I am in prayer about the entire situation. I will leave it at that. My children need structure, so I am going to do a few things before they go back to school to get them where they need to be. My family,I am praying for them also, there are a lot of issues that each of us deal with but are never addressed but I know God will work things out for each of us.
I am still stuck on that Marvin Sapp; I was driving into work this morning, just sobbing because even though it’s rough now it was so much worst before. So I will praise him in advance for what he is going to do in my life. Still pressing. A thought came to me. “Build your hopes on things eternal”.
As a human, you have so many dreams and aspirations because you want things to be nice and you want things to be better, but in reality the only person we know for a fact we can depend on is God. He is the only constant in a changing world. Man will fail you but God never fails. So my question to you today is this. “What are your hopes built on?”
I’m out, Be Blessed
beans3bk
